


The Days Of The Rest Of Our Lives

by SapphicScavenger



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Rab C Nesbitt (TV)
Genre: Angst, Baby Fic, Canon Non-Binary Character, Comedy, Demigirl Character, Demisexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Drama, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Genderqueer Character, Genderqueer Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt Crowley, Hurt/Comfort, Kidfic, Mom!Michael, Moving, Multi, Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), Other, Pregnancy, Selkie - Freeform, Sign Language, Slice of Life, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens), Suggestive Themes, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), Weddings, hurt beelzebub, laika is a good dog, mpreg but not really, mute character, no beta we die like men, pregnant!beelzebub, pregnant!crowley, selkie character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2020-10-06 23:29:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20515277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphicScavenger/pseuds/SapphicScavenger
Summary: a bunch of slice of life stories about what happened after the armageddidn't-happen. Laughing, crying, screaming, sleeping, all of the above.Most likely won't put anything NSFW but you never know.Note people who have a similar mind to my girlfriend: I did NOT plan the title to look like "Days Of Our Lives".





	1. Found Home

**Author's Note:**

> Content in this chapter includes: minor angst, slice of life, fluff, comedy, and happy tears. This takes place post-Starlit. Laika just doesn't appear because I forgot to write her in. So she's either sleeping in the backroom or out chasing rats in the alleys.  
TW: mentioned child abuse, mentioned transphobia.

It was just an ordinary day, as most days. Crowley had to run out of town after a lunch date with Aziraphale, which was a little out of ordinary but not inherently bad. But it was the first time after armageddon that the two had been apart for so long.  
"Do you have to?" The angel gave his demonic lover a pout and held onto the lapels of his jacket.  
"Sorry angel. Don't worry, I'll be back before you know I'm gone. You won't be alone, not with the dog around." The demon replied, pulling the other being in for a kiss. Aziraphale's lips tasted sweet on Crowley's and the latter knew he would regret leaving. "I love you." The words sent a shudder down Aziraphale's spine. Though it had been a long while since Armageddon, Aziraphale couldn't shake the feeling he got whenever Crowley professed his love to him.  
"And I you." He replied with a smile. Crowley got in the Bentley and drove off, leaving Aziraphale to walk from the cafe back to the bookstore.

When Aziraphale reached the store, he didn't expect to see a police car outside the store with a boy in the back. The officer stood on the doorstep of the bookshop.  
"Sir, are you the owner of this establishment?" He called to Aziraphale, who picked up his walking pace and approached the man.  
"Indeed I am. Is something the matter?" He put as much angelic soothing powers into his voice as he could muster.  
"Caught this young man trying to break into the bookshop. We were waiting for the owner to get back so we let him know what was going on." Aziraphale looked in the car and felt his metaphorical heart skip a few beats. From inside the car stared back the familiar pale face of a young boy with shaggy black hair, the face of Warlock Dowling. Unlike his heart-without skipping a beat that is to say-Aziraphale turned to the officer.  
"This has been a great misunderstanding. This young man isn't a criminal. He's my Godson. I told him to come to the shop when need be but I was out with an old friend when he came by. He's no criminal."  
"Sir he was picking your lock."  
"A little something his other godfather taught him because it annoys me. Nothing sinister I can assure you." The angel put some miraculous effort into the words to make the officer believe them.  
"Of course. So sorry for the intrusion." The officer pulled Warlock out of the car. The boy had dark circles under his eyes and a fading red spot on his face in the shape of a handprint. "You're free to go young man but don't let me catch you snooping around here again." He shook his finger at the boy.

"Don't snoop around me around here." Warlock replied dully. The officer left and Aziraphale put a hand on Warlock's shoulder. Warlock looked up at Aziraphale and the words he said nearly gave the aforementioned a metaphorical heart attack. "Hi Brother Francis."

"So explain it to me. Everything. Everything you know." Aziraphale handed the boy a mug of hot chocolate. Warlock, sitting upright as he could in the squishy old armchair, took the mug from him. Aziraphale carefully reached out for his cheek and touched the red mark, causing the boy to wince. Not necessarily a wince of pain, but more one of fear. Though Aziraphale was not as good with children as his demonic counterpart, he still couldn't stand to see them hurt. Especially not by their guardians.  
"You and Nanny were too weird. None of the adults noticed but I did. I think it clicked when I was five and I was playing in the garden with Nanny and accidentally kicked a football into her face. She wasn't hurt but her glasses fell off and I saw her kitty eyes." Warlock took a sip of his hot chocolate. "But even before that I would hear you talking and calling each other odd things. Talking about armageddon and crap. Then after my trip with my parents to the archeological site I started reading about different monsters and things because it made sense. Plus, when you left you left behind some of your business cards so it was easy to find you. You should really see the online reviews for this place."  
"What do you think I am, Warlock?" Aziraphale tilted his head curiously.  
"I'm still figuring it out but I think a Seraph, like from Wizards 101 but not as pretty. Actually, maybe a Cherub. You look like the ones from the old paintings in Italy my mum likes."  
"Close, dear boy. I'm an angel, but not a Seraphim or a Cherubim. Just a Principality. Though I'm frankly flattered you think I'd be that high ranking."  
"So is Nanny some kind of demon then?"  
"Yes but I'm not sure what kind. Never thought to ask her. Just a lower ranking one, not a prince or duke of Hell. But I'm getting carried away. Why are you here?" Aziraphale suddenly felt stupid for asking when he knew the likely reason why.   
"Went to summer camp and learned what Non Binary means. I told them that's what I felt like and Dad didn't like it. He's also having an affair and Mum found out. They're fighting a lot. They don't want me anymore so I ran away to people who do want me." Warlock looked at the ground. Aziraphale's heart ached for the child.  
"They don't know you're here?"  
"No."   
"Warlock you can't just run away like that."  
"Why does it matter, Brother Francis? They don't even want me or like me."  
"I can't speak for your father, Warlock. But I know your mother loves you no matter what. You're welcome here any time, dear. But I still need to let your mother know you're safe." He gently cupped his cheek. "Okay?" Warlock looked at the ground and nodded. Aziraphale ruffled his hair and smiled. "Make yourself at home."

"Angel! I brought you a present!" Crowley called when he walked in the door a few hours later. He walked past the sofa to find Aziraphale. "Hi Warlock." He said absentmindedly to the young boy who sat on the sofa playing on a gameboy.  
"Hi nanny." Warlock replied. Crowley did a doubletake.  
"Warlock?!" He whipped around. Warlock looked up from his gameboy.  
"It's alright, dear. Warlock is going to be staying with us for an indefinite amount of time. I phoned his mother earlier." Aziraphale said from the doorway to the backroom.  
"Bwuh-"  
"I'll explain everything. Now, what was that present you brought?"


	2. The Glaswegian Lass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend of Crowley's stops into the bookshop for a surprise visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content in this chapter includes: Slice of life, comedy, flashbacks, Genderqueer and MTF Solidarity.  
TW: Mentions of Transphobia, mentions of self-harm  
Warlock uses He/Him/They/Them pronouns

The bell on the bookshop door rang as it opened. A tall woman strode in like she owned the place, which she did not. The twelve year old child who sat at the counter reading a graphic novel looked up. "Sorry. We're closed." Warlock Dowling said to her, blowing a bubble with the gum in his mouth. She smiled.   
"Is your father here, darling?" The woman asked. Her long, curly brown hair cascaded down her shoulders like a waterfall. She looked to be the type of person who could get what she wanted by batting her long eyelashes and giving a little giggle. However, that kind of charm wouldn't work on Warlock Dowling.   
"No. Mr. Fell is, though. He's my old gardener." The child said.   
"Is there anyone else here?" The woman pursed her lips.  
"Just Nanny. But he's probably sleeping." Laika trotted out from behind the counter and sniffed the woman's ankles. Her eyes lit up and she picked up the little dog.  
"Oh aren't you a sweet thing?" She smiled brightly. The curled tail wagged in reply.   
"Don't feel special. She does that with everyone." Warlock turned another page in his book. Footsteps came from the door to the backroom and Aziraphale entered the room. He looked at the woman, wondering why she was in his store when the sign clearly said they were closed.  
"Can I help you, miss?" He asked politely, secretly thinking about how he was going to get her out of the store. The woman turned to him and put Laika down.  
"Oh, you'd be Aziraphale wouldn't you?" She gave him a big smile and shook his hand. "I'm a friend of Crowley's. Human, but still a friend. My name's Davina."  
"A friend of Crowley's? He didn't mention any human friends." Aziraphale couldn't sense any malice about Davina and she was definitely a human, as she said she was.   
"Met him a while back when I was in a tight spot." A distant look momentarily entered her brown eyes but they quickly snapped back to glittering with joy and curiosity. "I just heard the good news and had to come see for myself. He talked about you so often, you know, but never could work up the courage to make it official."   
"Crowley talked about me with you?" Aziraphale's curiosity was piqued even more.   
"Oh yes all the time."  
"Why don't you come into the back room and I'll make you a cup of tea and we can catch up."  
"Oh that would be lovely." The two went into the backroom. Warlock watched after them until they went through the doorway before turning to Laika and shaking his head.  
"Adults are so weird." He took a dog biscuit out of his pocket and tossed it to Laika, who caught it in midair.

"So, tell me how you know Crowley. I'm quite curious. He's never mentioned any friendships with humans." Aziraphale handed Davina a cup of tea. "And how would you know we're.... Not human?"  
"Oh, it was a long time ago. I'd just left home, was making bad choices. Wanted to transition but didn't have the money and I heard from some others who'd been in my position that summoning and making a deal with a demon might improve my life. So I tried.

~August, 1993~  
Crowley felt himself pulled rudely from his throne and found himself on his ass in a summoning circle in what looked like a shabby apartment. He looked around, looking for his summoner and came face to face with a young person in a black skirt and an ill-fitting red blouse. They had shoulder length, curly brown hair and they had a terrified, broken look in their eyes. Crowley knew this look if he'd ever seen it before. A young, scared gender-divergent person on the streets wanting a better life. Yes, he'd seen it many times throughout eternity and knew exactly what to do.  
"Your hair looks nice." He said in as gentle a voice as possible. The person blinked confusedly, probably caught off-guard with the remark.  
"Oh. Th-Thank you." They nervously tugged on a lock of it.   
"Let me guess. You're summoning me for a way out? You either have a death wish or a want for a better life. I'm going to tell you now....What's your name?"  
"Davina, your unholiness."  
"Oh Satan, please don't call me that. If my higher ups get wind of that I'll be discorporated faster than you can feed a loaf of bread to the ducks in Saint James' Park. No, I'm only a desk clerk in Hell's Hierarchy and I'm rarely down there, besides."  
"B-But the Serpent of Eden. The book said you're the most powerful, the first fallen, the-"  
"Yeah no. You really think the big man himself would come upstairs for a minor temptation like The Apple? Nah. They just said go up there and make trouble. But I'm getting offtrack. Davina? You could have chosen any name and you chose Davina?"  
"Well my birth name is David and it's close to that and I thought maybe my family would accept me more if it was closer to my birth name."  
"Davina if your family isn't going to accept you now I doubt they ever will regardless of whether your name is Chloe or Davina."   
"I suppose you're right." She sighed.   
"Look, you're lucky you summoned me and not any of my co-workers. Just gonna put that out there. How about you let me out of this stupid circle and we can talk?"  
"Why?"  
"Well for one thing I can't perform any miracles inside this circle." Davina pondered and then after a moment she erased a bit of the circle. Crowley stepped out of the circle.  
"Thank you."  
"Oh. You're welcome." Crowley looked down at Davina's arm and caught the glimpse of red scratches on the inside of her wrist. He grabbed her hand and pulled her sleeve away. Davina's face turned red and she looked away.  
"How about I make you some tea and we can talk."

~Present Day~  
"We started having monthly sleepovers and have been friends ever since. He ranted to me about you a lot, Aziraphale. Was completely mad for you. I told him I don't know how many times to just get up and ask you out. A few times I threatened to do it myself. So when I heard he'd finally gotten the courage I just had to come see this for myself." Davina heard footsteps come towards the room and turned to find her demonic friend at the doorway. "Crowley!" Her face lit up.   
"Davina? I thought that was your voice. I already told you I asked him out so you didn't need to go and play wingwoman." Crowley teased.   
"Oh no, dear boy. Davina and I were just having a lovely chat about you." Aziraphale smiled at his boyfriend, who went bright red.  
"Ngk- W-What?! What did she tell you?"  
"Everything." Davina teased.  
"E-Everything?!" Crowley thought back to the time where he was curious to see what would happen if he put an egg in Davina's microwave for a whole minute.  
"Everything." The woman teased. Crowley covered his face. Davina and Aziraphale laughed. "Okay maybe not everything. Come sit down and have a cup of tea and we can all catch up. The demon sighed and sat on the couch next to his boyfriend. He would be damned if he let her know it, but he was happy to see Davina again. As he sat down next to Aziraphale, the angel entwined his fingers with Crowley's.


	3. Tag Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When husbands are in danger, an unlikely team emerges to save the idiots from the Ninth Circle of Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Minor gore, Cult mention, abuse mention, some peril
> 
> This chapter is going to be pure jackassery, crack, and buddy cop moments  
You have been warned
> 
> Shoutout to @SoulStealer1987 for helping me with dialogue UwU

Crowley was in Saint James park when all Hell broke loose.  
It started when he spotted Gabriel in the park. The two saw each other and a primal rage filled them. A confrontation ensued.

"Demon Crowley." Gabriel grimaced.  
"Archangel Fucking Gabriel." Crowley spat.  
"My sources tell me you survived your trial."  
"Yeah your sources would be right. I lived, bitch."  
"And you're shacking up with one of my angels."  
"And what about it? He's not one of yours."  
"He was before a certain demon tempted him."  
"I didn't need to do much tempting. He's already a bit of a hedonist-"  
"Only because of the company he's in."  
“Speak for yourself! You certainly don’t shy away from prissy waistcoats you never could appreciate!”  
"Excuse me I don't wear 'prissy' waistcoats, I am the epitome of style! You're the one who's still two decades behind in fashion."  
"How so?"  
"What kind of tie is that anyway? I don't think that's ever been in style, like, ever."  
"Excuse you-"  
But Crowley didn't get to finish his sentence because the ground opened up in flames beneath him and Gabriel. The two beings fell into the pit and the ground promptly closed up beneath them. The humans never noticed a thing.

Three days passed on earth. Aziraphale was concerned for his partner, but not overly worried. Surely the demon was asleep at his flat in Mayfair, never mind the fact he had seldom been back there except to move his stuff to the bookshop.  
He wasn't worried until flames erupted from the floor while he was closing up, that is. A figure rose from the flames and the floor closed up around them. Beelzebub brushed off their morning coat and stared at the terrified angel with a piercing gaze. Laika barked and ran at the demon, tail wagging. The demon ignored the dog.  
"Principality Azzzzzziraphale," They greeted him. "We finally formally meet."  
"Lord Beelzebub," Aziraphale was sweating. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"  
"No pleazzzzure here. Let's get to buzzzinezzzz." Aziraphale trembled as the Prince of Hell stepped towards him. This was it. Heaven and Hell had figured out about the switch and were coming for them, surely Crowley had been killed by Gabriel already. "I need your help." They grabbed him by his coat lapels. Laika kept barking.  
"What?"  
"Help. I need it."  
"From me? Why? I don't-"  
"Have you zzzeen your demon rezzzzently? No? Thought azzzz much. Because right now he'zzzz currently in the deepest pitzzz of the Ninth Circle of Hell along with my Archangel. Captured juzzzzt the other day. Naturally I can't juzzzzt zzzztroll into the throne room of ZZZatan to get my huz-er-toy back zzzzo I need help."  
"W-Why are you asking me?"  
"Becauzzze your demon izz down there and if you break my toy and your demon out of there while I do the talking, it won't look like I had anything to do with thizzz plot."  
"With all due respect, Lord Beelzebub, this is your idea. But if Crowley is down there, I'll do it. Only for him. Perhaps your... toy will get picked up along the way... And I'll need to find a dogsitter..." The angel trailed off, looking at the dog, who was now perched on the armchair.  
"Izzz that a deal, wankwingzzz?" Beelzebub stuck out a hand. Aziraphale sighed.  
"Deal." He shook the demon Prince's Hand.  
"Enough formalitiezzzz. We have work to do. After all, if we don't hurry they won't lazzzzt the night down there." 

While Beelzebub and Aziraphale set out to making a plan to rescue their significant annoyances, said significant annoyances were locked up in cages hanging from the ceiling in the throne room of Satan himself, still arguing.  
"If YOU hadn't attracted attention with your gaudy presence just screaming 'oh I'm a bloody archangel just waiting to be captured' we wouldn't be in this mess, you wanker!" Crowley shouted.  
"Well at least I'm not a traitor! That trap was obviously meant for you! I only happened to be in the area!"  
"Sure! Sure you did! What were you doing on earth anyway, Archangel Fucking Gabriel? And near a food truck? I thought you didn't 'sully the temple of your celestial body with gross matter'." Gabriel went red at that.  
"I was waiting for someone."  
"Oh yeah? Like who?"  
"Will you two shut the fuck up? You're giving me a migraine!" Lucifer shouted from his throne, about twenty feet below them. "Oh my ME you're annoying. If you're going to argue with each other then please have the decency do it quietly."  
"You shut the fuck up, Lucifer. You dragged us down here. As the humans say; You canned these worms, now lie in them!" Crowley had to wheeze at Gabriel's usage of a combination of two human phrases that didn't go together in any way, shape, or form.  
"SILENCE!" The king of Hell bellowed. 

"You know, for an angel who'zzzz never fought that much, you're an exzzzzellent battle zzzztrategist." Beelzebub remarked, looking over Aziraphale's plan diagrams. The latter blushed lightly and smiled.  
"Thank you, your lowness."  
"Don't flatter me, prinzzzzipality."  
"Can I get you anything? Do you eat food?" Beelzebub stared at him with a deadpan expression.  
"I'm a demon of gluttony, what kind of zzzztupid quezzztion is that? 'Do I eat food'?"  
"Ah. I see, then. What should I get you?"  
"Alcohol. I'm too zzzzzober for thizzzz."  
"Right you are." Aziraphale left the room to get some whiskey. Beelzebub sank back into the sofa, fiddling with a silver ring on a chain around their neck. They gave a tired sigh. The angel came back with the whiskey and poured them each a glass. Beelzebub downed theirs in one shot.  
"Right. Need to go to Hell then. I can juzzzzt walk in, but you? You can't waltzzzzz into hell looking like that." They gestured to all of Aziraphale. "Need a dizzzzguizzze."  
"A disguise? With all due respect, Lord Beelzebub, is that really necessary?"  
"Do you want to zzzzave your huzzzzband or not?"  
"He's not my-!"  
"Oh? Zzzzo you aren't an item?"  
"Well I mean- I don't really see a need to do that on human terms. Filling out all that human paperwork would be such a hassle and they'd harass us when we didn't die and- You know what? Come to think of it, why are you so concerned for the wellbeing of Gabriel of all things?" That hit a nerve and Beelzebub's eyes flashed dangerously.  
"You'd bezzzzzt watch your wordzzzzz, prinzzzipality."  
"I only asked a question." Aziraphale took a swig of his whiskey and thought. It came to him. "In the beginning... There was an angel Gabriel spent his time with who wasn't another archangel-a seraphim, I believe. I never met them and I never saw or heard of them again after the war and I never thought to ask him about it. Was that you?" Beelzebub looked ready to discorporate the angel where he sat but something behind their blue eyes was broken.  
"Zzzzzzhut the hell your mouth."  
"I just asked-" Beelzebub pushed him into the sofa and held a dagger to his throat.  
"DON'T ZZZZZZZPEAK OF THINGZZZZZZ YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, AZZZZZZIRAPHALE! JUZZZZZZT ZZZZHUT UP!" They shouted, spit flying into the angel's face. They released him and stood up abruptly. "This is why Gabriel spoke so lowly of you, hm? You just don't know when to quit...." They paused, looking out the window. "I guezzzzzz that'zzzz why Crowley lovezzzz you, hm? Whatever. Thizzz is no time for a feelingzzz fezzztival. Come on." Beelzebub walked towards the door.  
"Where are you going?"  
"We're going to Hell, now come on."

All the demons looked oddly at Beelzebub walking into hell carrying a large, burlap sack at first. This was ended with an angry glare from Beelzebub, making all the demons quickly pretend they were working on something.  
"Do I even want to know, Beez?" Dagon pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and pointer finger.  
"No. No you do not. I need to go downstairzzzzz."  
"And what do I get if I let you go without the paperwork, my lord?" The fish demon teased her best friend. Beelzebub rolled their eyes.  
"Seven monthzzz of radio zzzilenzzze whenever you choozzzzze."  
"Deal."  
"And take that feather out of your hair. People will zzztart talking." Dagon flushed and pulled a blue and gold feather out of her ponytail, pinning it to the inside of her jacket. She pressed a button and an elevator appeared in the wall. Beelzebub stepped in with the burlap sack and closed the door. They put it down and opened it and Aziraphale stepped out, disheveled. "You're lighter than you look, prinzzzipality. Now be prepared. It only getzzzz more difficult from here." The elevator shot down like a bullet. Aziraphale screamed and was thrown into the air. Beelzebub stood, unmoving as a statue. They suddenly stopped and Beelzebub threw the bag over him again. the doors opened and a woman stepped into the elevator.  
She was tall and only made taller by the pair of black stilettos she wore with a torn dark green and black dress. Long locks of black hair cascaded over her shoulders and dark green scales were scattered on her dark skin. She regarded Beelzebub with a smile and stared at her with bright green, reptilian eyes.  
"What bringssss you down here, Beelzebub?" She asked in a voice as smooth as silk.  
"None of your businezzzzz, Leviathan."  
"Sssssomeone's mad today. Is it because our massssster caught a little archangel AND the traitor you failed to exterminate? You're ssssssscared you're no longer hisssss favorite?"  
"I zzzzzwear to zzzzatan Levi, don't try your envy zzzzzhit on me. I'm not in the mood." Leviathan turned her green eyes to the bag.  
"And what'ssssssss thissss then?"  
"Nothing important. You can eat it if you want." Aziraphale tensed. Leviathan licked her lips.  
"I'd love to, but unfortunately, I have important bussssinesssss to attend to." The elevator started again. This time, Aziraphale didn't scream. It stopped as abruptly as it started and Leviathan got out on the sixth circle.  
"Have fun. Maybe if you're lucky you can be Sssssssssamantha thisssss time around." Leviathan laughed as the doors closed.  
Once they were on the ninth level and Aziraphale was out of the sack and they were walking through the halls, he asked; "Who's Samantha."  
"Where do you think the antichrizzzt came from?"  
"I assume the devil."  
"He had to have a mother. It had to be a human. There wazzzzzz a cult in America zzzzzzzomewhere, Texazzzzz I believe. One of the girlzzzz, a younger girl named Zzzzzamantha volunteered for the tazzzzk. Frezzzzzh out of high zzzzchool, horrible life thuzzz far, looking for a purpozzzze. Zzzzhe got her purpozzzze alright."  
"And what happened to her....After....?"  
"Are you really zzzzztupid enough to think zzzhe'd zzzzzurvive that? No. All I know izzzzz that the baby wazzzzz born, zzzzhe died, zzzzzhe's somewhere down here." They stopped in front of two doors. "We're here."  
Before they could regroup, the doors swung open to reveal a near to tears Satan sitting on his throne. Above him, Gabriel and Crowley each sat in a hanging cage and were swinging back and forth furiously at each other and shouting.  
"Beelzebub, my best friend! Thank me you're here! Please get these two as far from me as possible as soon as you can!" Beelzebub sighed and went to their master. They snapped their fingers and the cages disappeared, dropping both Gabriel and Crowley from the ceiling. Both were angry as hornets, bloody, and bruised. Beelzebub picked up Gabriel bridal style and left Crowley on the floor.  
"Bumblebee! You came!" Gabriel hugged Beelzebub, who flushed bright red. Aziraphale snickered and picked up Crowley, who groaned dramatically.   
"Of courzzzze I did you idiot now come on." They turned to leave. "A dizzzzpleazzzzzure working with you, Azzzzziraphale. May we never do it again."   
"The feeling is mutual, Lord Beelzebub." Both nodded before leaving Satan alone in his throne room.   
"Finally some peace and fucking quiet." Lucifer rubbed his temples.   
  
"You actually worked with fucking Beelzebub to come save me?" Crowley mumbled as Aziraphale bandaged his wounds.   
"I have to admit, though they seem unpleasant, we do share much in common. A love for food, for example. Although you are the only dining companion I'd want to have."   
"Ngk."   
"Crowley?"   
"Hm?"   
"I've been thinking... We've been together for so many years. Well, we've known each other for so many years. We've really only been together these past few months but-"   
"But?"   
"Why don't we make things official the human way? A ceremony of commitment, or something like that."   
"Are you suggesting we get married?"   
"Not on official documents, but exchanging rings and taking vows, yes. I suppose I do." Aziraphale cupped Crowley's face. "Darling, I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than spend eternity with you by my side."   
"Angel-"   
"What do you say?" Crowley pulled Aziraphale in close and kissed him passionately.   
"I do." He moaned softly into his fiancé's mouth.   
  
"You're an idiot, getting caught like that." Beelzebub mumbled into their husband's neck. Gabriel laughed.   
"And yet you still saved me. My guardian-"   
"Don't fucking zzzzay it. I'll dizzzzcorporate your arzzzze." Gabriel squeezed Beelzebub and buried his face in their hair.   
"I love you too, Buzz."   
"I tolerate you more than other angelzzzzz, dumbarzzze." They raked nails gently down his bare chest. "You were right about that prinzzzzzipality. Zzzzo annoying."   
"You must really love me if you went to Aziraphale of all people for help."   
"He wazzzzz the only one who'd understand the zzzzituation. Of courzzzze, we did find zzzzzzome common ground."   
"Gross matter?"   
"And you. We both know how annoying you are."   
"Hey!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about the shitty formatting at the end it's glitching and I hate it and I can't do anything about it please don't call me a bad writer it's 1 am


	4. No Love Like Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepy Cuddles and talking about getting out of the city

It was Christmas Eve the first time Crowley and Aziraphale made love. There was the soft patter of cold rain outside on the streets and the roofs, but inside the bookshop and the flat above it, it was warm and cozy and illuminated by the soft, dim glow of lamps. They went slow, lips and fingers tracing over each other ever so gently as they shut the world out for just a few loving moments to be together. After all was said and done, they laid cuddled up next to each other under thick blankets, basking in the afterglow.   
"Did you like that, angel?" Crowley asked, slightly worried he might have made the angel uncomfortable in any way possible. Aziraphale smiled and entwined his fingers with Crowley's, snuggling closer to him.  
"What do you think?" He asked. Crowley felt heat rise on his cheeks and he buried his face in Aziraphale's hair. The angel in question chuckled and laid a hand on his cheek. "Whatever am I going to do with you, my dear?"   
"Can't return me to the store, angel. Receipt's expired." Crowley mumbled.   
"Oh dear. I guess I'll have to keep you." Aziraphale smiled and pressed a kiss against Crowley's shoulder. There was a moment of quiet between them before Crowley spoke.  
"Angel?"  
"Yes, dear?"  
"Do you like the city?"  
"I suppose I do. This has been my place of residence for the past couple hundred years. Why do you ask?" Crowley moved his face from Aziraphale's hair and faced the angel.   
"I was wondering about leaving this all behind. Getting out of the city for a few centuries at least."   
"Where would we go? Alpha Centauri?" Aziraphale gave a smug smile and Crowley let out a short laugh.  
"No. There's this cottage in the South Downs. Been on the market for twenty years and miraculously nobody has bought it yet." Aziraphale's blue eyes widened as he looked at Crowley incredulously. "Has a small greenhouse room and a cellar that could be a good library. In a bit of disrepair but nothing a snap of fingers can't fix."   
"It hasn't sold in twenty years?"  
"It would have waited there for eternity. That is, until you wanted to live there." Crowley gave a bashful smile and Aziraphale's face lit up.  
"You wily old serpent." The angel wrapped his arms around his demon.  
"Is this too fast for you?"   
"After six thousand years, I think it's past due, don't you?" Aziraphale cupped Crowley's face, earning a grin from the demon.  
"I love you angel. More than anything, you know."  
"I love you too, darling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this a month ago and couldn't think about how to end it until I read the shitscript last night Im so sorry that it's so short and kind of crappy.  
Also, sorry updates are infrequent. I'm a High School Junior and life is a fucking nightmare.


	5. Just Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an old house in Scotland...

It was still Christmas Eve, but this time the setting was in Western Scotland, in the Highlands to be precise. It is nearly eleven thirty at night and three teenage girls returned from the festivities in town to the old New England-Style house where they lived with their guardian, who wasn't at home as often as she ought to be. One girl, a short, heavyset girl with a curly bush of reddish brown hair on her head, opened the door for the other two.  
"I told you she isn't going to make it." Another girl said. This girl was tall, the tallest of the bunch, and had dark skin and long black hair in braids falling to her mid back.   
"Oh come on, Catherine," Said the first girl, closing the door behind them and taking off her jacket. "It's not as if she'd forget about us on Christmas Eve. There's a party going on up there but there's still work to be done."  
"Still, all I'm saying is that we have the house to ourselves tonight again." The tall girl, presumably Catherine, took off her boots and walked into the kitchen where she grabbed a pint of ice cream out of the freezer and a spoon from the drawer."We could very well have gone this year if somebody had behaved herself at the last Christmas party." Catherine narrowed her dark eyes and pointed the spoon accusingly at the small girl. The small girl gave an obviously-fake affronted gasp and put a hand to her chest.  
"I had nothing to do with spiking the eggnog at last year's party!" She argued. "I simply put my mulled wine down next to the eggnog bowl and forgot about it. It was the fault of whoever took it."   
"You two are impossible." The third girl, only about one or two inches taller than the small one with short black hair and sky-blue eyes, rolled her eyes and walked into the living room. "I'm putting on a film. What do you two want to watch? If you don't make a decision I'll choose The Sound Of Music." Catherine and the short girl rushed into the living room to stop such a decision from being made.   
"If you put that on, Jeanne D'Arc, I swear I will smite you where you stand." Catherine threatened, sitting primly on the sofa next to Jeanne, who gave a sly smile.  
"Prince of Egypt?" The short girl asked, flopping on the sofa next to them.  
"We just watched that last week, Marina. Besides, it's more of a passover film." Jeanne gently reminded the short girl, who is now known as Marina.  
"What about The Wizard Of Oz?" Marina asked. "We haven't watched it in ages."   
"Alright, I suppose that will have to do." Jeanne stood up and grabbed the dvd from the shelf and put it in the dvd player. The machine whirred to life and within a few seconds the movie started playing. "I can make some tea for us, if you'd like." She offered the other two girls.   
"That would be lovely. Thank you." Catherine smiled.   
"I'm okay for now." Marina yawned. Jeanne went into the kitchen and filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove, hearing the music from the other room. She sighed and looked out the window at the snow falling softly. Just earlier that day she'd been with her human family in heaven celebrating. Of course, she'd brought Catherine and Marina with her as neither of them had any human family to go back to and her family had all but fallen in love with the girls at this point. Jeanne was awakened from her thoughts when the kettle started to whistle and she shut the stove off. She poured the water into the mugs she'd found, fixed the tea the way she and Catherine liked, and went back into the living room to join her sisters. 

•  
Later that night an archangel appeared on the doorstep of the house in Scotland. She opened the door without knocking and followed the sound of the tv to the living room where she found three passed out saints on the sofa. Michael sighed and shook her head. This caused Jeanne, the lightest sleeper of all of them, to open her eyes. Upon seeing Michael she grinned and pulled herself up from the sofa while trying not to disturb her companions.  
"Whose idea was it to wait up for me?" Michael asked her.  
"Mine. Wouldn't be Christmas without you." Jeanne replied guiltily. Michael outstretched her arms and Jeanne melted into a hug from her adoptive mother.  
"Sorry I'm late. Work piled up and then I had to try and sneak through the party without being seen."  
"How well did that work out for you?"   
"Not too well. Apparently someone decided to invite the.... opposition up from the basement for the festivities." Jeanne recoiled at that.  
"Who?" She asked, disgusted.  
"I have my suspicions." Michael pursed her lips.  
"It's a stupid idea." The archangel smiled and ruffled her adoptive daughter's hair.   
"We can both agree with that, dear. Now go get washed up while I deal with these two."  
"Yes." Jeanne started down the hallway.  
"And Jeanne?" The girl whirled around to face the woman-shaped-being who had stayed by her side these past 588 years. Michael smiled and handed her a small box wrapped in gold paper. "Joyeux Noel." Jeanne's blue eyes lit up and she took it from Michael.  
"Joyeux Noel, Mum." She went upstairs.

•  
In the morning, Michael was still there, working on paperwork in her office. She heard sleepy footsteps behind her and turned to see Marina behind her, her reddish-brown hair a mess and rubbing her eyes.  
"You're still here?" The teenager blinked sleepily.  
"I brought my work so I could keep you three out of trouble." Michael gave her a small smile and clucked her tongue. "Lord, look at you. You're a state."  
"Just woke up." Marina mumbled, going over to Michael and sitting on the floor next to her chair. Michael pushed hair out of the girl's eyes and tucked it behind her ear. "How was the party?"  
"I tried not to stay long." Michael rolled her eyes and Marina caught a glimpse of something like fang-shaped bruises on her neck that had been covered by her scarf. Though Marina often played dumb around the living, she'd been around for a little less than two thousand years and had seen almost everything and knew when to pry and when to not pry. This was a time to not pry, no matter how curious she was. "I brought you a present. It's on the dining room table." Michael told her, trying to get her attention back. Marina stood and walked into the dining room where there were two presents wrapped in golden paper on the table. She picked up the one with her name on it and tore the paper off to find a box. Upon opening the box, she was delighted to find two honey cakes like the kind she'd often enjoyed as a child in Antioch. She closed the box with a smile and went back to Michael, wrapping her arms around the Archangel from the back.  
"Gratias tibi." Her voice cracked with emotion. Michael put a hand on her arm and smiled slightly.  
"The pleasure is mine, dear." She replied. 

•  
It was later that Catherine finally came downstairs holding a small box.   
"I didn't want to come down until I finished retouching it. Apologies for it being behind schedule." She said, a slight flush coming to her cheeks.  
"You didn't need to get me anything." Michael clucked her tongue and looked away from her paperwork to face Catherine.  
"I just thought you might like it. But I had to fix it up a little." Catherine handed Michael a small box. The Archangel took it and opened it to find a pair of earrings. "They're like the old ones that you lost last year." Michael smiled up at her adoptive daughter.  
"Thank you, dear. That's sweet of you." She stood up to give Catherine a hug. "Those books you talked about, they're in the dining room on the table."   
"All of them? But those books have been lost for centuries." Catherine pulled away, her eyes wide.  
"Not anymore. Go enjoy yourself." She pressed a kiss to the teenager's forehead before Catherine rushed to the dining room to get her books. Jeanne walked into the office with a smile.  
"What strings did you pull to get those?" She teased. Michael rolled her eyes.  
"That's not for you to know."  
"Called in a favor?"  
"Maybe." Jeanne chuckled and leaned on the door. Around her neck was the necklace Michael had given her, a chain with a silver sword pendant decorated with red and orange jewels to look like flames.   
"You wear that sword as well as you carried mine." Michael complimented. "I knew it'd be good on you."  
"Where even is your sword?"  
"A place where it will only come out in times of emergency."  
"It's under the bed you never sleep in, isn't it?" Michael's fingers snapped behind her back and the sword disappeared from that very location and materialized somewhere else entirely.  
"No." Jeanne snickered and changed the conversation.  
"We went around to different celebrations leading up to this and we went to this little town in America, you know."  
"Your point is?"  
"Met the strangest person there. They were talking to someone on their phone about you and Lucifer." Michael felt her hands tense at her twin brother's name but remained outwardly calm.  
"What did they say?"  
"Talked about the first war. But instead of saying that you cast him out of heaven they said you 'vibe checked' him and 'yeeted' him into hell."  
"What the bloody hell does that mean?"  
"I'm not sure." Jeanne lied, pursing her lips.   
"Children these days are strange. You three are the only ones I can stand." Michael turned and put her finished paperwork in the correct folder.  
"Don't you have a nephew?" The Archangel paused in her filing.  
"I've never met him."  
"Maybe it's time you should. From what others are saying he's a nice boy."  
"Maybe one day. But not today."  
"But it's Christmas, Mum."  
Michael sighed, giving in. "Fine. I'll try to make time later." Jeanne grinned and left the room.

•  
It was Christmas Afternoon in Tadfield and Adam Young was walking his dog through town. It had snowed there, just as it had in Scotland, but hardly anywhere else in England. Dog bounded through the snow, enjoying this cold white stuff he had never seen in Hell. Walking in an empty part of town, he saw a woman on a bench. The snow on the bench didn't seem to bother her as she sat, her breath leaving her mouth in clouds in the chilly air. To any other human, she would have looked like a normal woman. But Adam knew better. He walked to the bench and sat next to her without a word. Then, after a minute of silence, he turned to her and spoke.  
"It's a beautiful Christmas, innit?"  
"Yes. Lovely. Although, really He was born in August." The woman replied somewhat hesitantly.  
"You should know. You were there, weren't you." Adam smiled and the woman turned to him. "I don't know you, but I think we're closer than I know."  
"You'd be correct." She replied. "Much closer than you know." She paused before continuing. "You look like him you know. The splitting image of-"  
"He's not my dad." Adam interrupted.  
"I beg your pardon?"  
"Family isn't determined by blood, not really. Family is determined by who is there for you, who lifts you up when you fall down, who's there to laugh with you and play with you and kiss you goodnight. He was never there for me. He just put me here to be a pawn in his little game. My mum and dad are the ones who raised me from day one. The ones who scold me when I'm naughty and gave me a bike for Christmas once and bandage my cuts from when I play outside." Adam paused. "But sometimes, family who isn't your mum or dad can turn up later; like Pepper, Wensleydale, and Brian. I think you might be one of those, if I let you." Michael looked at the ground and then back at the boy. "So who are you? How do you know me?"  
"All the hosts of Heaven and Hell know of you."  
"But you're not just some angel, are you, miss? You're closer than that."  
"You're a very observant child. Just like him, he scarcely missed a single detail."  
"And I bet you're the same."  
"I try my best."  
"You must have known him very well."  
"Unfortunately, yes. We were created at the exact same time. Though, He and I were never close, in fact; we hated each other. I couldn't stand his flamboyance and rebelliousness and overdramatics. He couldn't stand my coolheadedness or my organization or my obedience." Michael sighed. "We were always fighting. I do believe that if certain employees had been more competent, we would have destroyed each other in the end." Adam thought about what he had learned that one time he went to Sunday School with Wensleydale and tried to recall the name of an angel who fought Satan himself. It came to him as the name of Wensleydale's father.  
"You're the Archangel Michael, aren't you." A grin spread over his face. A small smile crept over the woman's face.  
"Clever boy." She chuckled.   
"That'd make you my aunt, wouldn't it."  
"Yes, I suppose that would."  
"Wicked. I don't have any aunts as cool as you. There's Mum's Aunt Carol who comes every year and pinches my cheeks and tells me how big I'm getting. And Dad's sister Ruth who's strict and carries a cane she uses to hit you with. There's also Mum's sisters Avery and Mary. Aunt Avery has been everywhere and seen everything, and Aunt Mary lives in Bournemouth. She's always getting on Mum about being a good wife and Mum hates it." Michael smiled, watching him and listening to him talk. He was like her brother without everything she hated about him. A curious, sweet natured lad. One hundred percent Pure Boy. Then he turned to her and shocked her with seven words.  
"Would you like to come for dinner?"  
"Oh, I don't know about that. See, I have three daughters at home and they're expecting me-"  
"Tell them they can come too. The more the merrier."  
"Well what would your parents say?"  
"They didn't question when I told them the other two were my Godfathers. If I just say to them you're my Aunt, they'll set a place for you at the table." Michael thought about it for a minute before taking out her mobile and shooting a text to Catherine telling the three of them to meet her at a certain location in Tadfield in no more than ten minutes. Then, she pocketed her phone and stood from the bench. Adam stood and looked at the sky. "It's getting dark. I should head home. Come on, Dog." He called to the former-Hellhound, who was digging in the snow for a terrified mouse to torment. Dog perked up and followed his master. Michael walked next to her nephew through the wintery streets on the way back to Adam's house, uncertain of where this path would lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really just self-indulgence and Mom!Michael. Michael claims she's no good with kids but really she has a soft spot for the little buggers, disobedient and unorganized as they are.


End file.
